Not Enough
by Blue9710
Summary: Major spoilers for the ending of Wolf's Rain. What happened to Blue? Oneshot.


Not Enough

Blood. I carry blood on my paws. They're stained with wet crimson, leaving a trail, following me wherever I go. I'm disgusting. Vile. It's attracted to me, attached to me.

Is that why I'm being punished?

I don't know where the hell I am, but if one thing's certain, it's not Paradise. I never made it. How could I; I'm no hero like Hige is. Where is Hige anyway? We promised to be together all the time. This is certainly not Paradise. Not if Hige isn't with me. Maybe he managed to make it to Paradise. He'll meet others. Better, more beautiful, pure wolves; no dog in their blood, and he'll love them instead. They'll be a good match for him. I never deserved Hige. My shoulders are too heavy with bodies. Wolf bodies. I feel them now as I walk. They look like they're about to fall off but they never do. They cling on and stare at me, their eyes open and full of sorrow, their mouths open in shock and horror. Their blood drops onto my paws and I carry the little droplets. They well into my soul, that is, if I have one.

If I had a soul, I wouldn't be here.

It's so cold. The trees are bare and the sky is pitch-black. Ice covers the ground and there's no water for miles. Dust hangs in the air and stings my eyes. My paws sting too. My whole body stings like hell. I deserve this punishment and worse. A lot worse. But there's something that bugs me. In my heart, in my soul, I want Hige to be with me. I don't want to hurt again. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to be worse than I already am. I've already destroyed and killed and decapitated. And it's all thanks to Pops.

Pops…

Pops was awful to those wolves, but I had to stay loyal to him, even when I left him. He fed me and loved me. I was the only one for him when 'they' both died. In fact, he's probably with them now. Warm and safe and happy in Paradise. I wonder if they miss me. I wonder if they watched over me as I died. I wonder if they cried. I wonder if they removed the bodies off his shoulders. I wonder if the bodies forgave him. They could never forgive me, a brutal monster who killed my own kind for nothing. No reason.

Thoughts play again and again in my head as I pace through the wilderness. Only a few mere seconds have gone by, but it feels like days, months, years. I will never escape this place. I'll never make it to Paradise. I'm dead, ugly and evil. I'm cruel. I can't stand myself. I tried to be good, but the truth made me disgusting.

I stop walking and sit on the ice. I shiver as I curl up and try to protect my body. I'm so tired. I can't walk any further. The bodies cling harder and harder onto me. If I could die again, I'd be long dead. Thirst pierces my throat and hunger torments my stomach. I think of Hige; that crazy thing adored his food. I let out a soft laugh to myself and bury my head into my fur. Insanity tingles in my veins and I begin to howl uncontrollable, painful howls before I collapse, the world getting darker.

I feel something damp touching my fur. It's cold and I let out a giggle, but only for a split second. It reminds me of Hige. Depression surges through me again as I remember what happened to me.  
>"Get lost, imagination. I don't deserve to be treated this badly, surely?" I can't begin to describe the fury in my voice. "Just seriously get the hell outta here."<p>

"Why do you want me to go?" I know that voice. The voice that makes my heart thump so loud my ears hurt but I don't mind. The voice that makes my soul light on fire, but in a way that warms me, not burn me. The voice that makes me crumble every time I hear it. The voice that makes me want to fly. The voice that changed my life.

I stand up, my paws clean and dry and the ground warm, covered in lush green grass. The sun is now in the blue sky. No clouds can be seen. The trees bloom, cherry blossom flying in the warm, fresh, magical air. I breathe like it's for the very first time. My paws tingle and I feel like a new born pup, excitement making my tail wag like crazy for the first time in years. I feel like I'm walking on air!

"Hige." My voice cracks. "Hige!"

I push myself against his warm body and familiar scents make my soul dance. I can feel him gently nuzzling the top of my head and I sigh contentedly, burrowing my head in further.

"I love you, Blue." Hige whispers in that charming, loveable voice of his next to my ear. "I never told you that. I love you more than anything."

"I love you too." I whisper back to him. "And we're together now. Together and always. Hige, this is Paradise. This is what we've been looking for all this time."

"We are, Blue." He tells me. "This is Paradise, but don't you realise? Ever since we met, we had it. Even in our toughest times, we were together, and that's all that matters."

I sigh again.

"Even more than food." Hige jokes.

I back away from him. "Oh, really?" I wag my tail.

"Really!"

I grin playfully and begin to run through the meadow, my thirst and hunger gone. I sense he's chasing me and I feel beautiful. The bodies still watch me, but I don't carry them.

"Paradise!" I exclaim, my voice like song.

"Paradise!" Hige leaps, pushing me over and I squeal, tumbling over.

I quickly recover and we look into each other's eyes.

"I love you, Blue." He says softly.

"I love you too."

"Forever and always?"  
>"Forever and always, I swear."<p>

He lies on the floor and I sigh, lying beside him. "Always so sleepy, aren't you?"  
>Hige chuckles. "Goodnight, Blue."<p>

"Goodnight."

I open my eyes. Something's wrong. Something's very wrong. I get to my paws. Fear shoots through me. Sorrow burns me.

He's stood there, looking at me. We had slept beside each other, so why was he over there? And how did he get up without waking me?

I look at him, my heart thumping. "Hige?" I whisper.

"I'm sorry." He responds quietly, his voice full of hurt. "I'm so sorry Blue. I wish I didn't have to do this, but I have no choice. Something's forcing me to do this."

I step forward. "What do you mean, Hige?" I try to act brave; I'm so confused; Hige would never leave me without an important reason.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I don't know why this is happening either; I can't explain it." He shakes his head, so many emotions in his powerful eyes.

"Please Hige!" I can't hold in my pain any longer. I scream my words and bound forward. "Please explain!"  
>Hige's ears prick up. "Listen."<p>

I listen, but I don't hear anything.

"It's rain. Rain is falling. It's whispering." Hige tells me. "Do you hear it?"  
>My throat burns again. Leaves drop dead off the trees and sweep away in a cold breeze. "Hige!" My voice cracks. I brush against him and we lick each other's muzzles, our eyes gleaming in emotion.<p>

"I love you so much, Blue." Hige mumbled, licking my muzzle again. He blinks. "Goodbye."

"No!" I scream in agony as he begins to glow a bright, haunting glow.

I see him again, but this cannot be him. The bodies smirk as they land on my shoulders again. The blood stings my paws. The wind blows cold again.

He looks at me in his human form and I look at him.

"You aren't him." I say simply.

He gives me a weird look. "Who are you?"

The words I feared. My blood boils and freezes at the same time. "I could ask you the same thing."

With that, I turn away and walked, hearing his cries as he heads back to the planet where he will, again, search for Paradise; he still has a chance and he still has hope.


End file.
